Halius's Bizarre Adventure
by ThomBol
Summary: Everything used to be simple for the Lancaster family. A simple, healthy life. Now a threat from another world threatens their peace and the only one who can protect them is...A Septarian mercenary with no social skills and lots of poisonous needles.
1. That's not supposed to be there.

Kato sighed as he closed the door to the house behind him and walked into the entryway. School had been a massive pain in the ass today, and the massive pile of homework wasn't helping. The house was eerily quiet for once, his mom having a late day at work and his dad out of town on a field trip. This meant that Kato was left to his own devices for the next few hours. Plenty of time to do some relaxing.

He jumped as thunder cracked over his house. Stupid weather. It always had a habit of creating artificial tension in moments like this. The teen sighed and tossed his backpack aside as he entered the kitchen, where he was greeted with the soft hum of their refrigerator.

Kato pulled out a can of lemonade and closed the door, smiling softly to himself. It was little things like this that kept him sane during stressful school weeks. Yet, he felt like something was off. It wasn't the overbearing stress of teenage life or emotional issues. It was like someone was watching him from outside the house.

Kato peered out of the window over the sink and into the backyard. He was greeted by the brilliant yellows and pure purples of the flowerbeds his mother had so persistently maintained throughout the year. The usually innocuous plants popped out more thanks to the gray gloom of the overcast skies. As did an unusual patch of dry grass against the sea of green fescue that covered the areas unoccupied by fences or flowerbeds. The patch that hadn't been there earlier.

The teen slowly popped the tab of his soda and took a long sip as he pondered the possibilities of what it could be. It was extremely unlikely that grass could have died in under eight hours, much less over the past few rainy days. There didn't seem to be any chemicals at play, not any sign of animal life. Then Kato considered a wild theory.

"Ghillie suits are supposed to help you hide, not stand out!" Kato called out as he threw open the back door. "Nice try!"

He walked over to a tool shed that was built just off to the side of the house and grabbed a shovel that was propped up against the door. He gave it a few swings and began marching towards the patch of grass. Whoever was creeping around in their backyard was either extremely incompetent or extremely crazy and was about to get a flat metal spade to their face.

The closer Kato got, the more he picked up on an awful mixture of the worst scents imaginable. It was like someone defecated next to a burning dumpster filled with rotting corpses. He gagged silently and lifted the shovel over his head.

"You have ten seconds to show yourself or I'm gonna beat the ever loving crap out of you with a shovel." Kato threatened, his voice cracking thanks to a combination of puberty and fear. This only served to elicit a snicker from whoever was hiding under the chilies suit. Kato growled and then swung down on the dead patch.

Halius screamed in pain as he felt the flat metal impact the small of his back, just above where his spine connected to his tail. In other words, a fairly sensitive area that only amplified the pain. For someone so scrawny, that kid could certainly put a lot of force behind his swing. The lizard growled as he pushed himself up off of the ground, glaring down at the boy as he towered over him.

Things weren't playing out the way he needed them to. His plan was to wait until the mother came home, sneak around to the front, and try to explain to her the situation he was in. Halius had not taken into account the teen being more aware of his surroundings than even most adults. The same teen who was winding up for another swing, intending to hit Halius with the edge of the shovel.

The Septarian mercenary flicked the boy on the nose, causing him to stagger for a second. With this sliver of extra time, Halius flicked a needle laced with an extremely mild paralytic into the teen's neck. It began working as soon as it punctured the boy's skin and he was left unable to hold his own weight up. He collapsed face first into the dirt, dropping his weapon.

Halius crouched low and pulled the needle from the boy's neck. He couldn't risk leaving the evidence for the boy's mother to find when she came home. So far, this job had been nothing short of a flaming train wreck.

"You're really lucky I wasn't sent to capture you, " he hissed at the teen, pulling his own crimson hair back out of stress. "Otherwise you wouldn't be able to move for a few days.*

The boy tried to respond to Halius, but his speech was reduced to nothing but a jumbled mess of grunts. The Septarian chuckled and then flinched as the pain shot through his back. Damn, that stung. His crimson eyes fell back to the younger male. The human glared back up at him, his deep green eyes full of anger and confusion. Halius smirked to himself a bit upon realizing how much more pain the kid would have inflicted on him had he not paralyzed them.

" You've got a bit of a temper there." he taunted, plucking the teen off the ground and tossing him over his shoulder. They responded with a disgusted and angered grunt. Halius ignored that and began walking towards the house. "You wouldn't happen to have a shower, would you?"


	2. The Soulless Ginger is a Lizard

Kato stared at the mustard yellow ceiling of his room. He had always hated that color and it had become the bane of his existence for the past thirty minutes. Thirty minutes. That's how long that weird lizard man thing had left him on his bed. The jerk couldn't be bothered to lay him on his side. Noooo, he had to look at the ugliest ceiling in the world all the while he waited for the venom to wear off. Stupid lizard. Stupid soulless ginger.

He could slowly feel the effects of the venom fade, starting with a tingle in his extremities. This tingling sensation slowly crawled up his arms and legs. It was like static electricity coursing through his veins. He hated it. He also hated the weird and rather sudden falling sensation.

"Whoa there!" He heard the lizard shout before blacking out for a second.

Kato groaned softly as he opened up his eyes to see the red-headed lizard staring down at him, holding him just off the ground by the collar of his shirt. He stared back for a second and collected his thoughts. This proved to be a bit more difficult thanks to him feeling a little more light-headed than usual, like he had just woken up from a nap.

"Did I fall asleep?!" Kato shouted, clawing at the reptile's scaled hand. The lizard seemingly sighed in relief and gently placed Kato on the floor.

"Clearly, yes." the red-head replied as he sat down on the bed across from Kato. "Right before the toxin wore off."

Kato pat himself down to make sure he was feeling everything correctly before sitting up and looking back at the lizard man sitting on the bed. Something was familiar about the clothes he was wearing. Kato stared for a moment and then realized what he was wearing and where exactly he was sitting.

"Get your disgusting butt off of my brother's bed and take off his clothes!" the teen demanded. The reptile stood up, rather amused by the smaller teen making demands of him.

"That really hurt," the lizard moaned sarcastically. "But if I'm so disgusting, why do you want me in the nude?"

"Wait, what-" Kato sputtered, blushing in confusion and embarrassment. "That's not what I meant-"

"I know, I know." the reptile assured with a toothy grin. "But I can't really take off these clothes. Mine are in the washer downstairs and I don't have any extra."

"That seems highly irresponsible for a stalker."

The lizard seemed a little miffed that Kato was associating him with a creep. It was a fair assumption to make on the teen's part, given the circumstances of their meeting. The teen cocked a brow in anticipation for the lizard to respond.

"Anyway...You've been out for almost an hour and a half. " the lizard shrugged, immediately changing the topic.

"What?! There's no way-"

"I went ahead and did your chores for you as well, since I did paralyze you."

"That's still creepy as hell."

"I'm really starting to regret not giving you a stronger dose."

"Would you rather me hit you with a shovel again?"

"Hahaha...no." the lizard cringed a bit. He turned his back to Kato and pulled up his shirt, revealing a deep purple bruise from where Kato hit him. "I'd rather not risk another nasty bruise. Septarians can heal pretty quickly from traumatic injuries, but bruises still take a while."

Kato's eyes widened as he realized that the lizard wasn't some creep in a fursuit. It was an actual flesh and blood creep in the form of a literal lizard. Alex Jones would be losing his mind right about now had he been in Kato's room.

Halius glanced back over as he felt the atmosphere around him shift to something a little more tense. Perhaps he had revealed a little too much too soon. The human was as pale as a ghost watching a horror movie, his eyes like tiny green saucers in a see if white. Yet there was a small smile slowly stretching across his face. Halius braced for the tsunami of questions he was about to be hit with.

"Is this real hair? How did you get here? Where are you even from?" Kato shot off quickly, almost jumping on to the lizard as he began inspecting the lizard. "Do you eat people? Are you going to eat us?"

Kato stopped talking and backed off from the lizard as soon as he showed signs of discomfort. He looked away in embarrassment, realizing how even more awkward he had made the situation between them in his excitement.

"S...sorry…" Kato squeaked softly, closing his eyes.

"Ah… don't worry about it." the lizard assured. He gently ruffled Kato's hair, eliciting a surprised eep from the teen. "I kind of dumped a lot onto your plate rather quickly…'

Both jumped when Kato's phone began ringing, blasting "Renai Circulation" at top volume. Kato quickly dug into his pocket and pulled out his phone to see who was calling him.

"Ah schiesse!" Kato shouted. "It's my mom! What do I tell her?!"

"Why are you asking me?!" the lizard shouted back, pulling his hand back. "She's your mom!"

"Well I'm sorry that some lizard man came into our house and stole Niko's clothes!"

"Who the hell is Niko?! Just answer the damn phone!"

"Alright I will!" Kato sighed and picked up the call. "Hello…?"

"There you are." his mother replied from the other end. "Are you okay? You sound a bit surprised."

"I'm fine… you just woke me up is all."

Halius watched the teen as he spoke to his mother. The kid seemed a lot less stressed now, the phone call distracting him from the unusual circumstances he found himself in. The Septarian found himself pondering as to why he had decided to pat the boy on the head despite being complete strangers. His actions could have been wildly misinterpreted, and the Lancaster boy seemed a bit young.

"Alright, love you."

The teen hung up and laid back on the bed, sighing loudly out of relief. Halius looked at him, wary of the boy. It took him a moment before he could find his voice again.

"So are we good now?" he asked softly.

"Oh hellllllllll no." The teen hissed. "You've got a lot of explaining to do."

"I'd rather talk to your parents about my situation before trying to explain it to you…"

"One, my dad is left town yesterday. Two, my mom isn't coming home until almost midnight tonight and won't be exactly in the mood to talk once she learns that, three, you trespassed and used a paralytic venom on me."

"You were literally attacking me with a shovel!"

"You said you could recover from any traumatic injury."

"That doesn't mean I can't act in self defense!"

"After being caught in a criminal act!"

"Oh, I'm sorry I'm a freaking lizard monster! I can't exactly run around a human majority area without scaring people."

"..."

"Yeah. Guess you forgot that part."

"I think you should go."

"...I kinda agree, but where would I?"

"Anywhere but the house."

"Again. Monster."

"Home?"

"If I go back, I can't help you if you guys get attacked."

"What are you even talking about?"

"Ah crap…" Halius sighed as he realized he would have to explain some otherwise confidential information. "Well, you see…"


End file.
